Even though we launched it a few weeks ago, Day Map went live today on many of the social media platforms and it was like watching my baby take its first steps as it started taking on a personality of its own.
Day Map came to my rescue in the first years following the arrival of my youngest son who seemed to go into instant temper tantrum mode EVERY TIME an activity came to end. It was as if he wasn’t quite finished his task at hand and had to express his frustration. I couldn’t blame him – how could he finish each task when he spent half the time screaming on the floor in a violent rage? By the time he calmed down, there would only be a few minutes left of outdoor play and lunch would have to begin. This made for a very volatile environment where I had to reduce social interactions and visits to public places which is not an ideal way to raise a child.
Finally, one of his doctors helped me understand a very simple concept: Safety in routines. Given this child’s background and being at an age where time is an abstract concept, I was advised to be as repetitive as I could with tasks so he could feel some control. By keeping his life simple, he would feel a sense of security and the anxiety/frustration would reduce. So off I went to the land of internet and researched for tools.
That’s when I developed “The Board”. The board showed him, with a series of pictures, what was happening that day. If any questions were asked about his day, like “when are we going to the birthday party?”, he was re-directed back to the board. It took a bit of discipline for me to sift through 30 hand cut laminated squares every morning to get the right order of day’s events, however it became routine once I realized how dependent he became on the board and how he looked forward to it every morning. He would analyze it, as if holding a meeting with himself to decide on whether he liked the day at hand or if he could negotiate his way out of tasks he didn’t like. It also took a bit of discipline to foster his independence because our instinct is to answer kids’ questions as opposed to helping them with the tools to find the answers themselves. “How long until we go to the movies?”, became “check the board”, as opposed to “at 2:30”. The board told him that the movies were after reading and lunch.
The board became my disciplinary tool. If we completed items quickly, he got to add a choice task of his liking. If we didn’t complete tasks on time, I would usually have to remove the fun stuff which very quickly changed unwanted behaviors.
The board became a conversation piece. Squares being used for the first time were heavily scrutinized as he leered at them for disrupting his usual daily pattern.
And finally, the board brought peace to my household. I no longer had to hold my breath in anticipation of a blow up when it was time to get ready and go grocery shopping. Not only was he much better at transitioning between activities, he was able to put up his own daily squares, and with my instructions, add in the day’s unique activities. He was able to visually understand each day’s requirements and that was all he needed to feel independent with some sense of control of his surroundings.
To all the parents who gave me feedback and were an integral part of fine tuning Day Map, thank you. It warmed my heart that so many of your special children were able to use “the board” and my hope is that it brings peace to many more homes with kids who learn better when they SEE things.
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