The Single Mom Chronicles

Dear wonderful little boys of mine,

Even though one of you insists that eye rolling is an acceptable way of communication and the other one is as tall as I am, I am, and forever will be, your mom. And because of the interesting structure of our little family, I have some thoughts I want to share with you:

1. Always remember that famous quote we discovered because it really provides you with the solution to whatever challenge you may be facing: Be yourself because everyone else is taken.

2. I am a firm believer in the law of natural consequences. Your threats of not wearing a jacket in sub zero weather or complaining about what we’re eating for dinner are your problems. I will advise you of the pros and cons of your options because you are young kids and don’t know any better however I will NOT nag. You are free to do as you wish but be warned that you will be held 100% responsible for your choices. Pity is not an emotion I’ve been blessed with and logic tells me you won’t die by going to bed hungry one night.

3. I will not nag because I refuse to raise you into young men who need nagging from employers/life partners/friends/society to exist. I will be happy to have chats with you, and I’ll be happy to ask you to do something ONCE. If you choose to: ignore, whine, throw a temper tantrum, ignore, walk away, or ignore me some more, see rule number 2.

4. Marriage – If I ruled the world, I would make it illegal to get married before the age of 30. I would also alter the marriage structure to make it like a 5 year mortgage term with an option to renew at the end. This would hopefully promote a joint effort to work through challenges and a clear out if it’s not meant to be. Having said that though, just because society sometimes paints a certain picture of a happy family, doesn’t make it the only option. As you have personally experienced, family comes in many different shapes and formats and as long as there is a mutual love and respect for one another, that’s all that matters.

5. Question everything. Not to be annoying or obnoxious, but to understand and learn. Just because someone/something says something, doesn’t make it right. A doctor saved my life but two other doctors, separate and independent of each other, risked each of yours. I had to question, research and sometimes be made to feel like a complete fool but if I didn’t, one of you may not have been around today.

6. Complaining is a waste of time. I have made it a personal mantra that I only have two options: If there is a situation I don’t like, I change it. If I can’t change it, I have to learn to accept it. Complaining is absolutely useless.

7. Live. Yes, you have to do your homework and you’ll have to grow up and pay bills. But never ever forget that there’s a whole big beautiful world out there for you to discover. It can be as simple as attending a local cultural festival or a trek through the Himalayas. Don’t get so caught up in making a living that you forget to actually live your life. I have spent all your lives trying to foster that curiosity and develop your inner explorers and I pray you never lose it.

8. Last but not least: Give back. Offer that cookie to a friend. Help that student who dropped all their books in the puddle. The feeling of helping out another fellow human being is indescribable. It’s very easy to sell your extra clothes on kijiji to make a few bucks for a round of beer on the weekend, but imagine the impact of donating those same clothes to a homeless shelter which may help a young man on a job interview.

Tonight, I took a good look at both of you, and even though it’s almost 11:00 pm and neither of you is interested in going to bed on a school night, I have to admit I’m quite proud of you. Older son, you amaze me with your new found independence and confidence. You’re able to navigate challenges thrown at you and come up with your own unique and viable solutions. Younger son, you too amaze me with the fact that you haven’t drop kicked the boy in the younger grade who taunts you on a daily basis. You have displayed a sense of patience and understanding of this bullying situation which absolutely amazes me (along with your ability to control yourself and rationalize). And yes, I agree with you, that maybe he just wants to be your friend and doesn’t have a better way of communicating it.

I love you both to forever and I know you’ll turn out fine. I also know that the alarm will go off at 7:30 tomorrow morning and that breakfast will be served from 7:50 to 8:20 regardless of whether or not you’re present.

xoxo,

mom